Top Ten: Moments of Deadline Day

We’re over the line, another glorious few hours of being treated to Sky Sports‘ Don of Deadline Day Jim White excitedly bobbing his head so hard and screaming so loud, it’s only a matter of window-shutting shifts before he combusts entirely.

But what made Sky’s coverage of this borderline National Holiday so exhilarating? Well, let’s have a look shall we…

1) Bale-Watch
Looking like a lost little boy in a supermarket, Gareth Bale was paraded like some sort of Welsh freak to the Spanish public, after FINALLY completing his move to Real Madrid. Gary Cotterill was following his every move, while everyone’s fave Spaniard Guillem Balague translated the proceedings. After an obscene amount of costume changes, Bale was referred to as Lady Gaga. He wishes. There was enough time for the thousands of adoring fans inside the Bernabeu to hear some of their native language from the world’s most expensive player, and he even did some rubbish keepy-ups too. But who cares, he moved yesterday.

2) Annoying Crowds
Yes, we know you’re on the telly, now stop calling your Mum to let her know too. Every Deadline Day is used as a feeble excuse for moronic fans to swarm Sky’s poor reporters like bees, ready to sting violently with their abusive gestures or pointless chanting of their team’s name. This time around though, those given the tough job of babysitting used the following to their advantage, telling them to be quiet throughout the update but promising to give them adequate time to shout at the end. Nice. Despite a few pathetic bits of paper with writing on, this summer’s crowd weren’t too bad. Besides a dancing idiot at Southampton. There’s always one.

3) David May
David May, or as he’s known by friends, The Most Boring Man Alive. The former Manchester United defender was at his dazzling best when interviewed in the Leeds studio about the Red Devils’ transfer antics. With a voice that makes Michael Owen sound like Louis Spence, May admitted he hadn’t seen much of supposed target Ander Herrera before saying he had played well for Athletic Bilbao against them in the Champions League. Shame it was the Europa League, you sponge. May was nowhere near his party-boy best, of course he’s most remembered for celebrating the 1999 treble like he’d actually done something. He murmured for about two minutes, didn’t really say a lot, and should never be allowed on television again.

4) Harry says No to Window
The fact that Harry Redknapp turned down an interview through his car window had the whole British Isles in mourning, it’s just not the same without it. It seems Uncle ‘Arry was too busy for all that, as he worked on “between 2-4 signings” for QPR. So, three then? The lovely Gail Davis was stationed outside Rangers’ training ground, never really giving us any more news apart from that Redknapp Jnr, Jamie, had let the cat out of the bag that his old man wanted to bring in Niko Kranjcar. On one occasion, the only thing she said was that they’d had pizza delivered to get them through the night. Awful journalism. Come on Gail, tell us what we really want to know! Was it Pizza Hut, Dominos??

5) The SkyPad
See what they did there, it’s like a big iPad that rounds up the day’s activity, but as it’s on Sky, it’s a SkyPad. Very clever. There are only a few people highly trained enough to operate such machinery. Bryan Swanson, Andy Burton and the needlessly overbearing Dhamesh Sheith. The latter was keen to ask Premier League managers if they were watching, reminding them of how much time they had to get their deals done. I’m sure that’s the least of their worries. David Moyes turning to his assistant Steve Round and saying, “Hey mate, how long have we got? Check Sky Sports News will ya?” As for Andy Burton, I personally would like to see him return to the desk, where he would stare at the camera with that creepy glare of his, tell us Pascal Chimbonda was going to Spurs and have his various selection of phones on the table.

6) Everton/West Brom
The biggest saga of the day soon became the future destination of Chelsea striker Romelu Lukaku. Despite being their best front-man (come on, we all know it’s true), Jose Mourinho doesn’t seem to want to play him this season and it became clear he was being loaned out again, either to Everton, or his borrowers last campaign, West Brom. Then began the constant back and forth of both clubs saying they wanted him, but it all depending on other things. The Baggies were also after the Toffees’ Victor Anichebe which meant the Merseysiders would then get Lukaku, but Lukaku was also wanted by Steve Clarke’s side so if they got him and Sunderland’s Stephane Sessegnon, Shane Long would move to Hull. My head hurt, so I can’t imagine what it was like for Sky’s Rob Dorsett and Vinny O’Connor.

7) Everton. Full-stop.
Speaking of old Vinny, it was lucky he was at Finch Farm, two words that soon became the most spoken of the day. The Vinster was on constant patrol, manning the Toffees’ training ground like Michael manned the Travel Tavern in I’m Alan Partridge. Marouane Fellaini came, handed in a transfer request, and went again. Roberto Martinez never left, annoying his old chairman at Wigan Dave Whelan by bidding for James McCarthy all wrong. Money over four years? Whelan was so annoyed he rang Jim White when he was on the air. No surprise Andy “I Love My Phones” Burton called him back. He eventually got the bidding all right, meeting McCarthy’s valuation, which was probably all Burton’s doing. Back at Finch Farm, even Gareth Barry showed up. Not just for fun, he did sign for Everton. But with Fellaini off to United and Barry his replacement, not even Vinny could brighten up the day for those poor Evertonians.

8) The Two Irishmen
There’s nothing better than a couple of Irishmen, sitting behind a desk, annoying each other for a few hours or so. One of the best decisions Sky made was to draft in former Sunderland chairman Niall Quinn and current head honcho at Peterborough, Darragh MacAnthony. The pair bickered like an old married couple, Quinn obviously intimidated by the ruthless and forthright opinions of MacAnthony, often looking like a frightened little girl as Darragh lent over him, giving his views on the ins and outs of working on a deadline day, while poor Niall cowered in his seat just hoping to be taken seriously.

9) Ozil
Simply the biggest move of the day, and the longest too. Every turn of the hour, Sky announced that Arsenal were close to signing Mesut Ozil from Real Madrid for £42m. That was at about 11am, he didn’t actually join the Gunners until about half 10 at night. Hey ho, that’s how the final day of the transfer window works. Geraint Hughes was on duty, telling us all how much he loved the Arsenal fans around him, and that they would sign Ozil soon. When they finally got him, he said how good the Arsenal fans were around him, and that they’d got what they were waiting for. Correct me if I’m wrong though, didn’t they want a striker, a defender and a defensive midfielder too?

10) That darn clock
And there we have it, Jim White tells us that Big Ben is telling us it’s time to turn off the TV and go to bed, deadline day is over, the window is closed and all those annoying fans can go home. Cut to shots of the famous clock in the big smoke, chiming away, mocking Joe Kinnear as the Newcastle Director of Football proved his credentials and massive contact book with one signing throughout the whole window. Still though, it was fun while it lasted and as expected, the deals that hadn’t been confirmed continued to be looked over until it was determined which ones had actually completed. I guess we’ll all find out in the morning, because like Jim’s make-up artist, I’m exhausted. Thanks Sky, see you in January.

By James Shipp
Follow @ShippSport

Picture provided by furyksx via Flickr