Merry Chris-tophe-Berra-Mas!
Tis the season to be jolly, unless you’re a fan of virtual Ipswich Town.
Because it seems Santa isn’t big on Football Manager, or the Tractor Boys for that matter. Sadly, my festive wish of Championship domination hasn’t been granted.
If anything, one win in my last nine games represents the metaphorical coal at the bottom of my stocking – not even a satsuma to ease the pain. Not that I like them anyway, but still.
What have I done to you, Kringle? I clean my teeth twice a day. I hold doors open for the elderly, moderately attractive women and people with lots of things in their hands. I even recycle. What more do you want from me?
Alas, it will be lonely this Christmas without a play-off place to hold, although the boys are only three points adrift of the top six going into Boxing Day’s match-up with Brentford.
Following where we left off last week, one early Crimbo gift was the return of Mr Goals himself, Deadly Dave McGoldrick. Normal service was resumed away at Bournemouth, the hitman marking his comeback with an opener to put us one up. Still, Matt Ritchie’s equaliser meant we settled for a point.
The diamond had been dismantled beforehand, in favour of a 4-3-3/4-5-1, aimed to make the most of Jack Grealish on the right wing.
If the draw with Bournemouth was satisfying, a 3-0 drubbing at the hands of Charlton Athletic wasn’t. We barely looked like scoring and defended like morons. Utter morons.
A reaction was required. With young Grealish begging for a rest, ex-Manchester United youngster Cameron Stewart earned his fast start of the season and proceeded to do the business.
We ground out a crucial 2-1 win at home to Leeds, Stewart getting us off to a cracking start before Dave won a penalty and Daryl Murphy dispatched it. When the visitors pulled one back and Luke Hyam got sent off for a second booking, I feared the worst, but they held on for three valuable points.
Hope was restored for our next fixture, away to Bolton. That hope quickly evaporated as we continued our wonderful tradition of being completely bogus away from home. Yet again, another 3-0 loss.
With one game left before Christmas and McGoldrick looking a shadow of his previously ruthless self, my mind was already turning to a raid on the January sales.
First though, we welcomed second-placed Middlesbrough to Portman Road. When Jack Collison headed us ahead early on, everything looked rosy.
Yet, a mad seven minutes in the second half had everyone who loves FM-Ipswich spitting out their mince pies in disgust as three quick-fire goals meant Boro headed back up North with all the points and a 3-1 triumph.
Time for a much needed break, the stress of managing 24 man-boys, buying presents for my Grandma and decorating a £15 tree from Tesco has proved too intense.
Still, I did get one present before logging off for the holidays, Mr Chairman is obviously loving my style and threw a new two-year deal under my nose.
Santa, all is forgiven, an extra £5k a week is all I really wanted for Christmas. Forget world peace and all that jazz.
In summary then, it’s basically half-way through the campaign and we’re 10th – nine wins, five draws and eight defeats. Propa mid-table form. We may be three points off the play-offs, but we’re also three points off 16th.
So strap in for a manic 2015. I will leave you in peace until the New Year, so enjoy the turkey, the tinsel and then the fireworks. In true FM spirit, I’ll be celebrating Big Ben going mainstream round Dean Gerken’s place.
Apparently he makes a mean margarita…
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