With Nicklas Bendtner back in the fold at Arsenal, the Dane thought there was no better way to announce his return to English football than revealing an obscene hairstyle.
The top-ponytail effort from the 25 year-old has become football’s favourite joke over the past couple of days. And we’d love to show you it but it’s not after 9pm and may frighten small children.
But in even the most worrying of hair-dos, comes inspiration, as Bendtner’s barnet got us at Tibs News thinking; what other terrible hairstyles have we been blessed to see as football fans?
We’re discounting the 80s, where everything was disgusting.
So sit back, relax and enjoy the greatest bad hair days the beautiful game has had to offer.
10. Jamie Vardy – picture provided by lcfcian1 via Flickr
Oh Jamie, you looked so much better last season. Although the Leicester City striker wasn’t always first-choice during the previous campaign, at least he didn’t have atrocious hair. Despite being a key part of Nigel Pearson’s side so far this term, it only means poor, innocent spectators get to see more of his shocking do, the pre-season look of shaved sides and dreads, not nice for anyone to have to see. Thankfully he’s now resorted to shaven sides and a shaggy mullet. So at least that’s an improvement. Sort of. Not really.
9. Gervinho – picture provided by Hinderz via Flickr
The former Arsenal forward made plenty of headlines during his time in England. Mostly because of his bad hair and his numerous failures in-front of goal. With probably the most questionable hair-line in the game, Ivory Coast’s dreaded wonder draws more attention to himself with a pointless headband. Suppose it stops it flapping everywhere of course, but if he had all that hair in his face it would 1. cover up his forehead, and 2. help him hit the target for a change.
8. Taribo West – picture provided by Eurosportfotos via Flickr
What can we say about Taribo West apart from ‘hair abuse.’ The Nigerian made his name not by defending, but for his colourful and often curiously braided hairstyles. Not forgetting that no-one apart from the man himself actually knows how old he is. He’s like Doctor Who, but with short, green dreadlocks. West moved from club to club, staying 32 years-old every single time, wowing English crowds with his offensive hair-dos in spells at Derby and Plymouth.
7. Ronaldo – picture provided by Blog Gallery via Flickr
“Er, Mr Ronaldo? We haven’t finished,” is what the Brazilian’s hairdresser should have said. Or, “Excuse me, you’ve missed a bit!”, words we all wished Ronaldo himself had uttered. Alas, Ronny decided he’d don a shaved look with a triangle of hair remaining at the front. Why? We’ll never know. But the weird style coincided with some incredible form from the big man, who stormed the 2002 World Cup to finish top-scorer and help Brazil lift the trophy. Wayne Rooney, you know what to do this summer.
6. Carlos Valderrama – picture provided by StorieDiCalcio via Flickr
Beating Marouane Fellaini into the list is Columbian sex-pot and all-round afro icon Carlos Valderrama. With hair the size of a small island, it’s been well documented that a family of possums reside in the wonders of Valderamma’s mop. Inspiring the world-wide phenomenon of novelty wigs, Fellaini can only dream of possessing the fro of his fellow midfielder. Not much more can be said of this effort, apart from just how did he condition it? Must have been a nightmare.
5. Jason Lee – via whoateallthepies.tv
If there’s a better chant than ‘He’s got a pineapple on his head’ then we haven’t found it. At five it’s former Nottingham Forest hit-man Jason Lee, made famous by the Frank Skinner and David Baddiel TV show, Fantasy Football. And no, it’s not the same guy who played Earl in My Name Is Earl. This Lee was a pioneer of 90s hair fashion, deciding to literally get his hair in the style of having a pineapple on his head. Lee played for 18 different clubs in his career, but only ever had one iconic hair-do.
4. Raheem Sterling – picture provided by WalterNebedum via Flickr
To an example from today’s generation now, and Raheem, you should really know better. For a man who will boast plenty of fresh creps (new shoes) and decent threads (nice clothes), it really isn’t working up-top for the Liverpool youngster. It’s a combination of all the fashion faux-pas of years gone by, the very thin sideburn, line at the side of the hair and some sort of curly monstrosity in the middle. It’s lucky he plays football better than he styles his lid.
3. Rodrigo Palacio – picture provided by gateria_futbulero via Flickr
Storming into the top three is Inter Milan’s Rodrigo Palacio, with what can only be described as the worst braid in the history of the world. Full stop. Not only is it completely out of place, it’s just so needless. What does it do? What does it bring to the party? It’s just mocking the rest of his short hair, especially as Palacio now boasts a shaven head, still with braid intact. It’s just baffling, we need a lie down…
2. Roberto Baggio – picture provided by HC SUFI via Flickr
Before hair extensions became a mainstay in every girl’s armoury, Roberto Baggio was rocking the look way back in the naughty 90s. Not very well, we must add, as the Italian talisman’s style of a normal hair-cut plus a long ponytail pretty much goes against everything TONI&GUY stand for. But at least it’s the same colour, because the amount of un-matching extensions we see in the world today is just criminal.
1. Giovanni Simeone – via www.extratime.org
Well we can only assume this was some sort of bet, because this is ridiculous. The worthy winner of the worst hairstyle in football goes to Giovanni Simeone, the son of Argentina legend and current Atletico Madrid manager Diego. The young River Plate striker may only be 18, but he’s already attracting the headlines his father does after deciding to sport this ludicrous cut. He looks like a Maths teacher going through a mid-life crisis. And that’s probably a good way to sign this off.
By James Shipp
Follow @ShippSport
Featured image provided by Ungdommens Røde Kors via Flickr
