Did you hear that loud hissing sound last Saturday night?
No matter where you were in the country, you would have heard it around 6:35 PM.
Roughly the same time that Gareth Barry confidently knocked a back-pass to where Joe Hart should have been.
Unfortunately, the England goalkeeper had gone absent without leave on an errand to find somebody to listen to his explanation of how he let slip a ball he should have snaffled up one-handed with his eyes closed, to gift Southampton their second goal.
If he becomes a father, for goodness sake don’t let him bath the baby.
That hissing noise was the sound of the air leaking out of the televised Premier League balloon.
The title race is now deader in the water than a sackload of puppies weighted down with an anvil.
The season is now flatter than a Witch’s tit and Sky are not very happy.
Manchester City’s craven capitulation at St Mary’s coupled with Manchester United’s efficient despatching of Everton have left Sky with as tricky a task of keeping interest flickering live in the competition as Bear Grylls would have maintaining a spark of fire with an oily rag in a baked bean tin on a windy day.
The Advertising Standards Agency phones will be ringing off their hooks if Sky dare to try and plug another Super Sunday this season.
There isn’t much Super about Fulham v West Bromwich Albion, even if it’s billed as: ARMAGEDDON – THE BATTLE FOR ELEVENTH PLACE!!
Sky can put as much spin on it as they like, but the battle for Champions League places is about as interesting as watching two bald blokes fight over a comb.
Perhaps we’ll see the introduction of Souper Sunday, when celebrity chefs cook it out to see who can prepare the tastiest pitchside ‘potage de jour’ while the mundane matter of a football match is played out as a backdrop.
Still, if the action on the field is a bit ho-hum, at least we can concentrate on the pitchside advertising, and as you would expect, Manchester United’s marketing department don’t miss a trick.
So it was on Sunday that they took the opportunity on their flashy LED pitchside advertising hoardings to wish their fans in the Far East a Happy Chinese New Year.
Popping over from Beijing, Shanghai or Guangzhou puts into perspective the coaches carrying the red hordes that usually descend on the Theatre of Dreams from Minehead and Maidstone.
But it’s not just the Premier League desperately trying to maintain flagging interest like an old lothario with a prescription of Viagra.
England’s win over Ireland in Dublin means the Six Nations rugby championship is in danger of being not so much a race as a one-horse parade.
Perhaps there’s a bit of scope there for Sky. England take on Manchester United at Twickenham in a rugby match, followed by a return footy fixture at Old Trafford.
That will bring the viewers back, won’t it?
Suddenly, Fulham’s battle with West Brom for 11th place looks pretty appealing.
By John May
Twitter: @maisy68
